Monday, August 07, 2017

Redamancy



Tahira stepped down from the bus and marched her way towards the salon she worked at. 

She was usually the first one to reach. While she opened the premises for the days work, she thought of Sam. He was always on her mind. Not because she was in love with him, but he was. 

Apparently so. 

"Let's get married", he had proposed. Sort of. 

She did not feel the tingling sensation, while things were progressing to the next level. 

Did she always want this - yes! 

Did she want this at that moment - no, perhaps. 

How life ambitions and desires vary when you compare it with respect to time... 
What you want forever vs what you want now? 

"Yayy", she remembered, reacting to it. Half heartedly. 

"I love you", he said, the meaningless sentence stabbed right through her heart. 

She loved. Not that she didn't. She loved, deeply - an idea, a someone, who did not exist. It was always in her head. This person, or love, or the idea of it. She couldn't put it down in words what exactly that yearning felt like. 

Sam came in like a breath of fresh air and became a habit. Nothing else. 

As she started setting up the primary counter of the salon, Rinku, her pet cat - a daily visitor came in. Today, it was something different. She spotted a chair stealthily climbed up on it, and started licking herself.
 The chair gave way to a great view - the mirror. 

She felt a sense of deja-vu and thought of calling Sam and talking to him about how she thinks cats are souls who guard you. 

"Sam, remember what I told you about cats, the other day?", she spoke on the phone. 

"No Taa. I don't. What about it?", he asked. 

"About Guardian souls..", she hinted. 

He laughed, "Not again, Taa. Talk to you later!" and he hung up. 

Rinku funnily stared at the mirror and took a strange stance and cuddled her self on the leather seat. She closed her eyes and gently grunted. 

Tahira, arranged her desk with the paraphernalia and wondered about the uncanny similarity between the calmness that the buddha statue and Rinku had. 

A living thing vs a non living thing. 

She took to a chair next to Rinku and stared into mirror. She looked at her self, noted the hair growth on her face, raised her eyebrows a few times, set her hair and relaxed on the chair. 

She gently closed her eyes and wondered what lay beneath her skin. She went one layer down, feeling her veins, the rush of blood, the thumping of her heart. 
Her breathing synced with her heartbeat.. 

1....2......3....4...

She started counting. Soon she was lost in a deep trance, or a sleep she hadn't resorted to in years. 

Her head felt lighter and a brightness within attracted her towards the unknown. She dived in deeper, and tears started flowing. She was discovering the depths of her inner self that she never knew existed. 

Suddenly she pushed herself out of this trance, fearing the unknown. She looked at the mirror and felt a love she hadn't, in her entire existence. 

That's exactly what she was looking for. A love, that she was seeking, had finally sought her. 

"Taa, I love you", she recollected Sam's words and smiled as they dissolve into meaninglessness.

The sense of words was eventually evolving for her. Love!