|Pic Courtesy : thinkstock|
Some things are so funny! Sadly funny. Sadly-punch-you-in-the-face-funny! You really can't do anything about it!
So, I am a Vegetarian who eats eggs, whatever you may want to call that! So when I go out for a dinner party with few other people who like to eat meat, red or plain, I usually think that I'll get to have what I desire in the vegetarian cuisine, because they get to pick what they eat, without my interference!
So this is what happened, once upon a time!
After debating over potential restaurants which serve good Veg and Non-Veg food, I went to this swanky place with a few other people (those who shall not be named!). It had a low lit ambiance, quite to my liking and it smelled lovely in there. I was so attracted by a steaming plate of vegetables that the waiter passed by me with, to another table, that I mentally decided what I would be ordering!
Being the only vegetarian, I boldly called for my order, trying to customize it as per my liking. I called for Sauted vegetables tossed with garlic in soy sauce and honey. I love the taste, don't judge me! While I was indulging in what I'd call a gluttony-initiation, a strong opposition came in!
"Vegetables?? Are you mad! Order, Paneer no!", one of them said.
"I don't like Paneer so much", I replied.
"Don't worry, main kha lunga! Aur mere liye ek Chicken Lollipop kar dena bhaiyya", he added.
"Ok, then one paneer tikka with Sauted vegetables", I said.
"Arre? Tu akeli hai, kitna Veg order karegi? Itna hoga kya khana?", he asked.
"Tu Paneer khayega, toh main kya khaungi?", I asked.
"Pura thodi na khaunga re pagli!", he replied.
I thought, perhaps it is a good idea to order just one vegetarian dish, instead of ordering two. I always make sure that I never waste food. So I ordered the Paneer tikka in yellow coating with green chutney! I kinda convinced myself, that paneer ain't that bad, after all! I was also hoping I'd get 80% of the share, because - Hanger(Hunger+Anger) makes you do silly things and how much paneer would a non-vegetarian eat?
The order started coming in slowly. As usual, the Vegetarian Starter came in first. Everyone on the table, 8 of them, asked the waiter to serve it to them. There are just 8 pieces of Paneer in Paneer Tikka. And the guy who loved Paneer got one extra. For an appetite of an elephant, I was starving and I got served with just one piece of the starter! And all the self proclaimed non-vegetarians were hogging on the only little food that had come my way!
"Hey guys, I'll order one more, you'll eat?", I asked trying to curb my anger.
"Nai nai. We are Non Veg. Chicken aayega na. You order, you order!", they said.
"Toh bhaiyya, ek Mushroom ka starter kar do koi bhi. Bohot Bhook lagi hai!", I did not even look at the menu.
"Mushroom? You are a vegetarian no? Why eat Mushroom?", one of them said.
"See, I am a different kind of a vegetarian! I love Mushrooms and Eggs and I don't want to classify this food or me as anything, at the moment. So call me anything you want!" I said, frustrated.
"So call yourself a non vegetarian then, why have fancy name tags for yourself!", one argued.
A good debate is possible only when one is fed full. I wasn't, so i ignored with a cursory smile.
The chicken starters started to come in and they all looked jubilant. I ignored their faces as I traced the waiter who took my order. I hoped for him to come back soon with the order. I was sure, I could eat more, considering I'd get just one more piece of Mushroom.
"So, main course?", I asked.
"Nai, we have ordered enough starters. Hum log nai khaenge", they all said.
7 vs 1! I couldn't have argued. They don't serve small portions for a single vegetarian eater! What a shame!
I feel sometimes it's better to go out for dinner with people who know you best (read - who let you eat your food and who eat theirs!), and not with people who call them selves "Pure Non-vegetarians" and eat Vegetarian! It was not a very good feeling. After waiting for an eternity, my order finally came in! The waiter asked the others if they wanted Mushrooms, and they all nodded!
I couldn't take it anymore.
"You know Mushrooms are made from Dog pee", I declared, before the waiter could move the serving spoon!
"What? Are you serious?", they all asked in unison.
"No yaa, those are different mushrooms!", one said.
"Ewks, I can't eat it anymore, it's so disgusting that you said it out loud", the other said.
Good I thought. The others got busy on google, trying to find out the history of mushrooms. The waiter came my way and kept the entire plate in front of me. I ate to my hearts content, ignoring the discussions they were having.
Finally one of them said, "You are worst than us. We are non-vegetarians. You are a dog-pee-eterian".
I smiled a happy smile - the one which comes when your stomach is full. I nodded gulping down a satisfying glass of water.
"Yes, I love dogs!! Their pee too!!", I said.
And there was no hypocrisy in that! Finally a dog-fact saved this vegetarian a meal!
Also, No! The edible mushrooms have nothing to do with dog pee. This is jan hit me jaari! ;)