Wednesday, November 25, 2015

________ is my world!

Fill in the blanks. And Share it if you agree! And post it on Facebook! For Example..this!

Well, you know what; I do not have anything to fill the blank with. I do know why "world" is so idiosyncratic. It comprises of so many things.

The world has terrorists, racists, people who eat humans, people who spit on the roads, people who shit and pee in public. The world has pornography, brothels, strip clubs. The world has people like George Bush, Dawood, Chetan Bhagat. The world has diseases like Ebola and Swine Flu. The world has industries which are duping people by showing shiny advertisements. The world also has many wonderful things, but look at the ones I've listed, and think about the ones I did not!

Who would want to give a metaphor of “World” to the people they love?

Tom, Dick, Harry is my world!! It is a literal translation of "Tu meri duniya hai". Then there is intensification of that too "You are my planet, solar system, galaxy, universe". Don’t get me started about what the universe consists of! There could be things worse than we could ever imagine!

It’s a wonderful thing to say, that someone means so much to you. It shows the love, affection and commitment. I have a problem with people making such statements. I know it is none of my business to tell a mother, who thinks her son, is her world, that she is wrong. But I will do it anyway!

Unconditional love exists. That of a mother and a child. There is no doubt about that! And when the world (hereon consider “world” to be “everything”) of the mother starts revolving around that of her child, it seems like the most beautiful bond. But the problem begins, when the world continues revolving around it, even when the kid grows up! 

We have mothers of full grown men, who think their lives are all about their sons. They feed them, do their laundry, cook for them, wash their smelly socks and give them head massages.

That’s where the problem begins!

It’s not about expectations from children. It’s not even about respecting the kids, or giving or not giving them freedom. It about what mothers “think” about their relationships with their kids. 

It’s true; you carry the child for 9 months. You go through labor and the pain of it all. It’s also very true that everything you do, ends up being about your kid. But what is the right age to stop caring so much, or not have your kid “bonded” in that love? You have to detach, at some point and start living your life!

The major problem, in most of the marriages is the entry of a third person in the relationship of mother and son. The mother still is so attached to her son that she thinks she knows the best for him. 

She is highly concerned, hence the constant worrying. But it is important that mothers stop doing that, beyond the age of 15, at least. The guy gets used to the constant attention from his mother. The thought process is programmed and when the setup changes, when there is intrusion (read marriage); the guy finds it very difficult to adjust. It’s not the fault of the boys. It is the mothers’ fault. The way you bring up your kid tells how strong you are.

No mother needs to find her world in her kids. She is her own world. She is her own strength. A part of her came in to the world. She is the creator. She should create and let it thrive. She doesn't own the kid. She has just played her part in the scheme of things.

Say you love your son. Say your son is your strength. Say you share a great bond with him. But don’t make him your world!

When we find happiness and solace in someone else, there is always a gap in expectations and fulfillment of expectations. Why not save ourselves the pain?

I am my world! I create it. I live in it!

That should be the mantra. For all parents, kids, siblings!  For everyone!