Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Love and Lust

This morning, was a pleasant one. I love Tuesdays  especially when someone pings you with something which makes you think. Think and then blog too! 

***
S: 'Just a thought, let me know what do you think?'

Me : 'What?'

S: 'Love is an adulterated version of lust'

*pause*

Me: 'Naah. I don't agree'
***

Well, I really don't. I think love and lust have no comparison. Lust has no elements of love, and love has no element of lust. They are mutually exclusive. I am no expert to comment about either topic, but obviously I have my opinions on this too. I was made to think about this topic and I guess, some point in time I may end up having a discussion about this with someone or the other. Else how would pleasant coffee-evenings or dinners, pass? 

Love, according to me, is a noun and a verb both. It is very important to feel it first and then enact it. Now what is the "feeling" love that we talk about. The prime example of the situation is the love of the Mother for the child. But I have spoken about this analogy a hundred times in my blog and I do not want to repeat that. Well, then lets talk in terms of the love between two people. So, if I love someone, I accept the other person as he/she is. I can only love when I can accept. So, the noun form of the verb according to me, gives you a feeling of peace within when you accept. I can be in love with someone and I may hate certain qualities of that person. But despite that, I take the person as they are, without wanting to change them.

I remember asking one of my friends who's married and is a full time mom. I asked her, what is that happens after marriage. You were so happy right after your marriage, both of you, inseparable, crazy and clinging on to each other all the time?

Now why are things so different after 7 years of marriage. The explanation that she gave really made a lot of sense to me. 

She said, initially, it's always the exploring part in a relationship. Not just marriage, but any relationship. You spend around a year or two knowing each other. You get to know this new person, you concentrate on all the good points and you feel so great about how the other person appreciates you and how you appreciate the other person. 

But after 2 years, when you are done appreciating, you realize that the other person has a lot of negatives too. We all do! no one's perfect!

So the first two years, you spend in knowing the person, and the rest of the life, you spend in trying to change them. 

Well, to me it sounded like a perfect explanation. That's why marriages or affairs or relationships become drab after a while. And that's why some of them fail. You stop appreciating and you start trying to change things, so that they mould as per your convenience. But is that fair? 

Wouldn't it be better, if the couples accepted each other the way they were. Now, a few of my girl friends would say, 'he smokes. How am I wrong if I ask him to quit smoking'.

I feel, anyone who smokes, has taken that decision for himself and that is very personal decision. No smoker smokes without knowing the repercussions of smoking. That's just one  example. You want the best for your partner and in the process you end up demanding a change and the other person may not be ready for it. Manipulation degrades a relationship.

So, convenience takes over and then there is no love. If it were love, you would take the other person as he/she is, without expecting them to change for you. Acceptance is love and love is acceptance.

Now, coming to the verb part of Love. It involves a variety of things, the foremost being "Giving". You give, when you love and when you give, you know that you may get nothing in
return. That makes it unconditional. So the act of loving begins with giving. So that eases out the explanation of love, I wonder how many would agree. But this is my basic understanding, as far as I have understood, lived and loved. 

Expressions of love are various. If you are in love, you would know, personally, which medium is the best for you. Some chose silence, some people send messages, some kiss, hug, some make love and express it. But in the whole process, you give. That's the beauty of love.

Now coming to lust. Lust is a very pure and selfish feeling. I have always believed that all evil feelings are absolutely pure. You think about yourself alone, when you "lust'. Lust in itself has no adulteration, I feel.

Lust is sheer attraction pushing you to do the extremes. 

The chances that it will have an element of love is very rare. It begins with attraction and ends with sex, most of the cases, if it is mutual. Else, you have these crimes, all result of lust. 

It may trigger love in some cases. I have seen movies and series, in which this concept was used. The couple begin their relationship with lust, but end up falling in love with each other. 

Lust can be a trigger for love, but definitely it is not Love in any form, when you talk about it as s single factor.

Again most of the times, when two people 'lust' each other, they misconstrue it as love. There is no sense of responsibility, no acceptance, no giving, no surrender, there is sheer physical intimacy. They go public and call it a relationship, so that society accepts them. That's when the problem begins, and things begin to fall apart when the "think" they are in "love". Whereas, it's just physical compatibility and nothing else.

So, I feel, the very statement, that 'Love is an adulterated version of Lust', may perhaps be false, in itself, but when people portray Lust as Love, you cannot help but make that statement.

The statement, sadly in itself holds true, only apparently, but technically, it is impossible to call Love as an adulteration of Lust.

There are so many other aspects to this topic, and this one post is not going to suffice. Perhaps, if I have few versions,  few more opinions, I can make a series of the topic and publish different views. 

Meanwhile! I'll just end the post here. Hope I made my point. :)

***

PS: There is a contact form box on the Right side bar of the blog. I could post your comments as a next blog post, with/without your name, as you wish. Feel free to post in a mail there and let me know what you all think! :)

PPS: comments for the posts have been disabled.. :) you can write to me though, as mentioned above :P