It's December already. 12.12.12, to be precise. And when I look at the number of blog posts I published, I feel bad. I always thought that anything one begins should keep on getting better year after year. May it be a hobby, talent or number of blog posts. I haven't even done half of what I did last year. Just one serial fiction and a few poems. I did attempt to keep a regular blogging schedule but I was swayed by the idea of having my own website, which sadly I couldn't get together. If I happen to customize the already available website things on internet, I do not get what I want. I have a particular idea in my mind, and I have not been able to realize it.
I am not artistic at all. I am expressive. I have a certain thing in my mind, and when I am not able to make it come true, I stop attempting it altogether. Similar was the case with setting up the site. I wanted to do it myself without asking anyone else to do. But it didn't work out. Also it wasn't that I had given up writing. I think I have been writing like never before. It's just that I haven't been publishing it enough.
I've had many people ask me whether I've stopped writing. Some have called and enquired whether I was working on my book. Well, to get it straight, book is a distant dream. It sure will come true one day, but I have been reading some quality stuff like Dante's work - The Divine comedy. My reading pace has reduced like never before, but still I am making efforts to keep the brain working. Reading helps me do that. I am too impatient to take up a fiction because I cannot wait to know what the plot is about.
I have been busy watching these detective TV series like The Mentalist, Sherlock, Castle, Dexter and I think my mind has been programmed that way. I think I need the suspense out by the end of 1 hour, revelation about the plot and it's climax. This restlessness has made me not pick up any fiction lately.
After meeting Chetan Bhagat, I want to take up "What young India Wants" and finish that, as I had left it midway because of a torture that caused me a Reader's-Block. There are a lot of things to be done. And this realization strikes when December begins. This is not the first time, but has been this way every single year. And now when I sit and look back at the year gone by, I realize though I have done a great deal of writing and expression in various other ways, I have failed to market my skills online, by maintaining the blog and writing about something I strongly feel about.
I think there comes a time when everyone faces a mid-life crisis. Some face it post 30, some before that. A lot of things look so unsure that you end up just living the moment and procrastinating everything else.
Today the world was supposed to come to an end, until someone long back, said that the day has been delayed to 21.12.2012. If you ask me, I seriously hope the world ends on that day. Not a single soul survives. Everything perishes and merges with the ultimate and then if God wishes, there'd be a new life, new struggle altogether.
No, I am not sad about my life or anything. I just feel, that there is a need for a change. A huge change. And this thing is not in our hands. The biggest change one can ever expect is the end of the world. Call me a pessimist, but I can cite numerous instances which will benefit all of us after the doomsday really arrives.
Meanwhile, people who are scared of death and peril, can pray and hope and wish for a long long and peaceful life! And people like me, can live like today is the last day of life! :)