Thursday, February 02, 2012

Chapter 13: RJ Speaks

If words would make someone fall in love, I could. If looks would make someone crazy, he could. And if  anything that was meant to be correct, it was!

There is something that feels more than perfect at one particular time. Capture that moment and seal  it forever!

***

I know there are times when I sound the most unpredictable of the unpredictables. Or, I'd rather say,  I am indeed one! Self proclaimed.

I want something at one moment, and the next moment, I am chasing something else. Ask me how did I end  up becoming an RJ. I am an Arts graduate. I did my Law after that. I took up psychology later. I  wanted to be a lecturer in a college - preaching about the human behavior. Little did I know, the most  unstable person I could ever know would be me.

Finally I found my love. Music. Though I couldn't really sing well, or play any instruments, I decided  to take up something which will help me stay close to something I love most. My second love is  talking. So what if I did not work hard to become a lecturer? I still talk in my current profession. A  lot, at that!

There are times, when I do not really know what I want. I look for momentary happiness. Something may  allure me, and I would gladly follow whereever it leads me too. Later, I would try to like it more,  but then it would fail to keep me glued.

I loved to draw. I know I am really good at it. That's the reason why my parents encouraged me to take  up arts. I did a great deal of dreaming there too. I wanted to become an artist. But it eventually  faded.

I am obscure about most of the things in life.

But then, I met Rafey. I was never so mad at anyone in my entire life. Why didn't he tell me his  name in the first place, I thought! He must have had his own reasons. I never tried to gauge them nor  did I ever ask him. I know, if we get into that topic, he will get a yelling from me for no good  reason. Poor chap.

I am glad I met him. However it may be, whichever way it was. I am glad I have a missing piece of  puzzle back in place. I never thought my family was ever complete without Shareeq miyaa and Rafey. I  remember the initial sketches that I made at school when I was a kid. I had me, mumma, papa, our driver and my best friend. I also remember teacher asking me to make a family sketch. And I insisted, that indeed, this was my family.

I never thought I could go on this long without Rafey. Good, we were kids, when we got separated. Had  it been a little later, separation would have mattered a lot to us.

Whom, did I have then? All childhood memories revolve around Rafey and Shareeq miyaa. No one else.

When I say I do not know what I want from life, I am absolutely true and honest about it. But I also  know, that I want to be with Rafey, all my life.

There times, when, no matter how confused you are, you always know that one thing which you desperately  want. And when it comes to you, you want to keep on hanging to it hard, harder, until it clings back  to you.

With Rafey, I feel the same thing. I have never been so sure about anything in life. Is it love, a  lost friendship, a comfort zone, or simply another change, I have no idea. All I know is, it completes  my life perfectly now.

He is sorted out. Entirely. He knows what he is doing. He knows what he wants to do. He knows why he  doesn't want to be with me. I wish I had his clarity.

Somewhere, I think, he loves me too. I don't want to try too hard, to make him fall for me. Nor do I  want to address any of his insecurities.

I am in a way very very happy, and at peace, that I finally found something which I am so sure of.

I do not know why I love him, or why I want to be with him. I simply don't want to lose him again. You know,  there is sense of satisfaction. You feel like saying an 'Ah! Finally'. You feel like, everything you  ever waited for, is finally here!

It's a similar feeling! Do you call it love?

Let me not name it anything, and just bask in the glory of whatever people call it. I know just one  thing. I've found my lost treasure and I never want to lose it again!

to be contd...

Onto Chapter 14: Expressions of Love

Back to Chapter 12: Celebrating the past

Back to Index

Back to Prologue